Book Review: Self Help by Gabrielle Bernstein - 5*

My last book of 2025, which I finished reading a few hours before Big Ben struck midnight here in the UK, was Self Help by Gabrielle Bernstein.

I’ve been following Gabby on social media and listening to her podcast for years. I’ve just checked back in my Goodreads account, and the first book I read of hers was The Universe Has Your Back: Transform Fear to Faith in 2018. I’ve also read Super Attractor and Happy Days: The Guided Path from Trauma to Profound Freedom and Inner Peace. I’ve always given her books a solid 4/5 stars.

That’s nothing to do with Gabby’s writing, really, but I admit that as an ex-engineer and someone who’s very hard evidence and science-focused, I’ve had to suspend my disbelief quite a bit when reading Gabby’s work, as well as when I’ve been listening to her podcasts.

I find it hard to believe in the idea of The Universe guiding us, or the presence of Spirit Guides and Guardian Angels, as much as I’d love to wholeheartedly go along with the idea. There’s something comforting about the idea of allowing myself to believe in these concepts, but it’s something I’m still working towards. Even when I tell myself that I don’t have anything to lose by just allowing myself to accept the ideas, and that actually if they help me to achieve my goals, to do the tough things which push me again and again out of my comfort zone, then the logical thing is actually do go for it, regardless.

I did take part in a course organised by Mike Dooley (TUT) last year, called The Art of Channeling Adventure and the results were interesting, but I’m definitely still a bit of a sceptic when it comes to this kind of stuff.

So I hesitated with my finger poised over the ‘buy now’ button, when I heard that Gabby had a new book coming out. The title Self Help was a bit confusing to me, as it seemed a bit too generic to make sense, but I was intrigued enough to look at the book blurb, and once I had, I was convinced enough to pre-order it.

Why? Because it touched upon a concept I’ve been interested in for a while, namely IFS (Internal Family Systems).

This was a while ago, and then I promptly forgot all about it. To tell the truth, as a bit of an avid reader, I do enjoy doing this. When I get the email about the book being dispatched or one to say it’s now available on my Kindle device, it’s like a present from past me to current day me.

That said, I have made the effort over the last couple of years to use my local library more, which as an obsessive reader has saved me a ton of money.

Anyway, I digress.

I got that email the Monday before New Year, to tell me that Gabby’s new book was available. By about nine o’clock the same night, I was done. I could not put it down, and I’ve given it a 5* review on Goodreads.

The reason I loved this more than Gabby’s other books is because it’s very grounded in stuff that I already believe in.

A lot of what I write about in Reboot & Rise is to do with understanding how our brains work, and why they work the way they do, so that we can let go of a lot of the shame, guilt and frustration that only serves to hold us back even more from doing the things we want to do with our lives. I fervently believe that our inner critics should all be taken out and shot at dawn, and that none of us really need them. I know from my work in meditation, over the last 25 years, that there’re two voices in our heads, what the marvellous Tim Urban calls the primitive and higher minds. In Buddhism, this concept is called The Inner Witness.

Suffice it to say that I know that our poor beleaguered brains are only trying to do what they believe is their job - to keep us alive, by preventing us from doing anything dangerous. Unfortunately, they think that we still live in caves and hunt mastodon so they do have a tendency to freak out when you get a shitty comment off someone online or if your boss asks to speak to you, unexpectedly.

Not. Helpful.

IFS posits that the mind is made of parts, and that each one is serving a purpose, trying to protect you. Their messaging comes from our parents, people in our past, experiences we’ve had. They’re trying to take care of us, but unfortunately that means that they’re often standing in our way, and driving us doolally in the process.

Gabby’s book isn’t just about IFS, but it taps into the idea that behind all of those parts, trying their damnedest to protect us, is the Self (hence the title of the book). And that every time we allow ourselves to sit and listen with understanding and questioning compassion when a part pops up to protect us, we strengthen our sense of self, and avoid overreacting to what those parts are trying to tell us to do.

This is a quote I highlighted from the book, which I absolutely love:

“Most importantly, my access to Self has offered me the connection to the parent I myself always longed for.”

I won’t go much further into it, but as usual with Gabby’s writing, this book is infused with love and compassion and a genuine desire to use her gifts to help others.

So, in short I loved this book, I highly recommend you give it a read and if you do, then I’d love to hear what you think!

If you want to read more book reviews from me as well as practical tools, subscribe to Reboot & Rise for weekly insights that will help you take control of your mindset and design a life you love. <3