Hack Your Habits: A 3-Part Guide to Changing for Good (Part 3)
Part 3 - The Bad Habit Kicker system
Welcome to Part 3 of this series on why change is so bloody hard (and what we can do about it). In Part 1 we talked about how the brain creates and stores habits—why they form in the first place, and why they’re so bloody persistent. Then in Part 2, we explored how powerful memories are created and why emotional intensity is key if we want new behaviours to stick. If you haven’t read those yet, I highly recommend going back and giving them a look—they lay the groundwork for what comes next: the practical bit. Today, I’m going to show you how I used everything I learned about the brain to build a repeatable system for behaviour change that actually works.
I hope you can see that we’ve come quote a long way in a couple of relatively short articles. I also hope now you can see that there’re reasons why our brains work the way they do, even if it’s incredibly frustrating sometimes when we feel as if they’re actively fighting against us when we try to do hard things, like quitting a bad habit.
With that understanding, both of why our brains like habits, and why they’re so hard to change, once they’ve taken root in our craniums, as well as how strong memories are formed, we can now leverage all of that information and combine them into a system which we can use to change our behaviour, and therefore the path our lives will take.
Enter The Bad Habit Kicker!
I came up with the idea in 2018, after a meditation session. As the bell on my timer (I recommend Insight Timer if you fancy giving meditation a go) rang, and I opened my eyes, a question popped from out of nowhere into my brain:
Why have I never wanted to smoke cigarettes?
I’m sure you have things in your life which other folks choose to do that’re non-negotiable for you. From serious issues about whether you take drugs, or lighter stuff, such as whether you’ll watch certain TV shows. (The Kardashians is a hard no, personally)
Smoking is one of those things, for me.
I’ve had plenty of friends who’ve smoked. Even romantic partners who did/do. So you’d think that peer pressure might’ve led me to at least give it a go at some point.
Nope. It’s never even crossed my mind to do it. It’s a very hard no for me.
But why? Sure, I know it’s harmful, but I don’t judge anyone else for doing it. I stand up for peoples’ right to do as they please with their own bodies, as long as they’re not hurting anyone else.
For some reason, I was curious enough to spend some time journalling, trying to get to the root of this question, both to find out the answer and also why my brain seemed to think it mattered (I’m a big believer in following that kind of intuition when it strikes).
It took me a few days to work it out but eventually I got there.
I’ve never smoked because my mum did. She smoked from when she was 13 till when she was 40, when she finally managed to quit. Sadly, it was direct the cause of her death in 2016, from lung cancer.
But of course I didn’t know this was going to happen, and I was already 40 years old when she passed away, and I still never chose to smoke.
Why was that?
I’d grown up watching her struggle, you see. She tried everything to stop. For as long as I could remember, as a kid, I knew full well that she hated the habit, loathed the smell, and the cost, and wanted desperately to stop.
But nothing worked, long-term. Acupuncture, hypnosis, cold-turkey, you name it.
It wasn’t until nicotine patches were invented that she eventually did it. And then (like many ex-smokers) she was one of the harshest critics of people who smoked. 🙄
I realised that the reason I’d never wanted to put a cigarette in my mouth was because I’d associated such powerful emotions with smoking. I’d seen how frustrated and upset my mum had been. And so I’d never formed the habit. I’d never even been tempted to, despite peer pressure being a powerful motivator for all of us.
As I mentioned in Part 2, I realised then that our strongest memories are formed when we have strong emotions associated with them.
I started to wonder whether that knowledge, along with what I’d learned about neuroscience through my reading and my teaching career, could be combined into a system to help people to break bad habits…
Why do I choose to focus on bad habits? Because it’s very hard to put something positive in place when there’s already something negative holding you back. This is because humans are all hard-wired to be pessimists - we have negativity bias - another direct throwback to our ancestors, who survived longer if they assumed the worst in every potentially life-threatening situation.
Weaken the bad habits, I reasoned, and give yourself the breathing space to put something positive in its place.
In short then, this is The Bad Habit Kicker technique.
Sit down with a pad and a piece of paper, or your favoured electronic note-taking method, and answer the following questions:
What is the bad habit that you’re trying to break?
What benefits / advantages does this habit give you? (Why do you do it?) - remember, there’s always a reason.
What is this habit preventing you from getting?
Imagine you’re at the end of your life & you’ve kept the bad habit
What does that LOOK like?
Paint a vivid mental picture
How does that make you feel?
Imagine you’re at the end of your life & you kicked the bad habit
What does that LOOK like?
Paint a vivid mental picture
How does that make you feel?
If you put as much emotion as you can (pictures, stories, links to videos with people suffering those positive effects or living idyllic lives) into answers 4 and 5 (if you can make yourself cry, even), then you’ll be building those strong bonds of emotion and allowing your brain to bring those future outcomes of your actions forwards, right into the present day. And your brain will start to believe it’s true/real.
Review that template every morning and night, and make sure you have it to hand when you’re out and about.
Every time you’re tempted to fall into the old habit, read the template.
Remind yourself exactly what it is you’re trying to avoid/achieve.
Will it always work? Of course not.
Anyone who tells you anything is foolproof is fibbing to you. But it’ll work a good proportion of the time, until gradually, as you feel your bad habit’s grip start to loosen on you, you’ll see a light dawning, and the possibilities to start putting better habits in place will start to open up.
I hope you’re starting to see that there are reasons why our brains do what they do—even when it feels like they’re actively working against us. And once we understand how habits form, how emotions shape our memories, and how to use those facts to our advantage, we’re no longer fighting in the dark.
We’re working with our biology instead of against it.
This little exercise I’ve shared is just the beginning. If you want to dive deeper, and have an even better chance to kick those stubborn habits to the curb, you’ll find it all in my book The Bad Habit Kicker. I wrote it for people like you (and me)—curious, frustrated, and ready for change. It’s packed with practical tools, nerdy insights, and a big dose of hope. Ready to turn knowledge into action? The book’s waiting for you.