The Solution-First Approach: How to Get What You Want Without Being Pushy
When you need someone to act, don’t bring them a problem. Here’s what to try instead...
If you’ve been here a while, you probably already know that I used to be a software developer for most of my working life - a computer programmer, to be precise.
Almost 30 years in the IT industry, combined with half a lifetime spent being fascinated by how we learn and think, has led me to build many systems (usually little tricks and tips) which have helped me work around my own issues. The results of those experiments on myself are what I tend to share here on Substack.
However, today’s post is a little bit different, and it links into a concept from the IT field called Ethical Hacking.
Ethical Hacking is when people find security flaws, loopholes, and weaknesses in systems (usually websites and other software) and instead of using that information for financial gain or nefarious purposes, they share it with the company in question so it can be fixed and made safer for everyone.
What I’m sharing today is a human-based ethical hacking technique. And in publishing this, I’m trusting you won’t use it on other people for nefarious purposes. 😈
With that disclaimer out of the way, let’s push on.
The Scenario
Here’s something I’m sure many of us have faced, especially on a Sunday night when you’re dreading Monday morning:
You’ve spotted a problem. Maybe it’s something at work (probably the most likely case), or perhaps in an organisation you volunteer with (whether it’s the school PTA, a kid’s organisation, a charity, whatever it might be), or even within your family’s dynamics.
However, it’s not something that’s entirely up to you to solve - it affects other people, and maybe there’s a financial cost involved.
But the person you need to talk to about it is swamped. You know that if you just went to them with this problem, it’d fall by the wayside amongst all the busy-ness already going on in their life.
Sound familiar?
Fear not! This ethical life hack can help you.
And I have to credit my Dad (kudos Dad!) with planting the seed of this in my head in the first place.
Dad’s Wisdom (Groan-Worthy at the Time, Genius in Hindsight)
When I was a teenager, I used to roll my eyes when he’d come out with quirky little sayings. But as I got older, I realised just how useful many of them were.
The one I’m thinking of today is this:
“There are no problems, only opportunities.”
Cue teenage groaning.
But that Pollyannaish phrase (sorry Dad) led me to realize there was a link with another of his sayings:
“Don’t go to people with a problem. Go with a solution.”
Now that’s the gold at the heart of this idea, right there.
The Solution-First Approach (AKA The Path of Least Resistance)
Here’s the principle:
If you go to someone with a problem that needs solving AND a proposed solution (or maybe a few, but don’t accidentally create choice overload by overwhelming them), and give them as much supporting information as you can provide, then your chances of getting the outcome you want are MUCH higher.
Why does this work?
Because the person you’re approaching barely has to think about the problem. As long as they don’t fundamentally disagree that something needs to be done in the first place, their major emotion is likely to be relief - because you’ve immediately told them how it can be fixed.
And there’s a very good chance they’ll choose a solution straight out of the gate. Sure, they might make some suggestions for improvements, but you’ve probably got the outcome you were looking for.
This is classic managing upwards in action, by the way. You’re making your boss’s (or committee chair’s, or partner’s) life easier, not harder. This takes the concept of dropping good ideas in your boss’s brain a step further.
The Brain Science Behind It
Our brains are lazy. Well, not lazy exactly, but efficiency-obsessed. We’re wired to conserve mental energy wherever possible.
When someone dumps a problem on your desk with no proposed solution, your brain has to:
Understand the problem
Accept that it’s real and needs solving
Generate possible solutions
Weigh up the pros and cons
Make a decision
Remember to/make the time to actually do something about it
That’s exhausting! And when you’re already maxed out (which many people are), that problem tends to get shoved to the bottom of the pile.
But when someone presents you with a problem AND a ready-made solution? Your brain only has to do steps 1, 2 and 5. Maybe step 4 if you’re feeling thorough.
That’s the path of least resistance. And humans will take it almost every time.
How to Use This (Without Being Manipulative)
The key is in the framing and your intention. This isn’t about tricking people or being sneaky - it’s about making collaboration easier.
Here’s how to do it ethically:
1. Do your homework first
Research the problem thoroughly
Understand the constraints (budget, time, resources, office politics)
Come up with 2-3 realistic solutions
Gather supporting evidence or examples
2. Frame it as an opportunity Remember Dad’s first saying? “There are no problems, only opportunities.” This isn’t just positive thinking waffle - it’s strategic reframing. Instead of “We have a massive problem with customer complaints,” try “We have an opportunity to improve customer satisfaction scores.”
3. Present options, not ultimatums Don’t just bring your preferred solution. Bring 2-3 options with brief pros and cons for each. This way, the other person gets to choose, which gives them ownership of the decision. (Dale Carnegie knew this - one of the principles in How to Win Friends and Influence People is to do with letting the other person feel an idea is theirs.)
4. Make it easy to say yes Include everything they need: costs, timelines, who’ll do what, potential roadblocks you’ve already thought of. The less mental effort required for them, the better.
5. Time it right Don’t ambush someone when they’re stressed or distracted. If you can, schedule a brief meeting or send a concise email they can digest when they’re ready.
A Real-World Example
Let’s say you’ve noticed your team’s project management system is a mess and causing delays.
The problem-only approach: “Hey boss, our project management is chaos. Nothing’s getting tracked properly and we’re missing deadlines. Can you sort it out?”
Result: Your boss now has one more thing on their plate with no clear path forward. Their stress levels rise like the incoming tide, and it probably gets ‘accidentally’ forgotten.
The solution-first approach: “Hey boss, I’ve noticed we’re missing deadlines because tasks aren’t being tracked consistently. I’ve looked into three options:
We could use Trello (free, easy to learn, but limited features)
We could use Asana (£10/month per person, more powerful, but needs training)
We could create a simple shared spreadsheet (free, but requires manual updates)
I’ve attached a comparison chart. If you’re happy to proceed, I’m willing to set up whichever you prefer and run a 30-minute training session for the team next week.”
Result: Your boss feels relieved, impressed, and is likely to pick one of your options immediately.
See the difference?
When This Won’t Work (And That’s OK)
Will this work every time? Hell no. Nothing does.
There are situations where this approach might backfire:
If you’re stepping on someone’s toes or territory
If the person fundamentally disagrees there’s a problem
If they’re the type who needs to “own” ideas completely
If organisational politics mean your solution threatens someone else’s domain
But as long as you’re mindful of these pitfalls and approach people with genuine good intentions, your chances of success are really good.
Your Monday Morning Challenge
Got something you’ve been putting off raising with someone? A problem you know needs solving but you’ve been dreading the conversation?
Try the Solution-First Approach this week.
Do your homework. Frame it as an opportunity. Bring 2-3 options. Make it stupidly easy for them to say yes.
Then pop back here and let me know how it went - I’d love to hear!
And if you’ve got your own tricks for getting things done without being pushy, drop them in the comments. We’re all learning here.
🚨 Is it your own resistance you’re currently battling with, rather than other peoples’?
I have something that can help - pick up a copy of my new book GIDA (Get It Done Anyway) here or read the first chapter for free here.
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