When You Really Don’t Want to Do the Thing That Matters
We all have that one task we dread. It’s not the laundry or the dishes—it’s the big, soul-draining thing that sends your inner toddler into full tantrum mode. The excuses pile up. “I’ll do it tomorrow.” “It’s not urgent.” “Maybe Netflix has the answer.” But here’s the truth: avoidance doesn’t make the problem go away. It makes it grow claws. The only way out? Shift your mindset, trick your brain, and lean into the discomfort. Trust me, I’ve been there—like today, staring down two house viewings I’d rather skip. But I’ve learned a simple trick that flips resistance on its head.
We all sometimes have things we don’t want to do with our time. I’m not talking about the little inconveniences, like needing to do the laundry or the washing up, but rather things which spark off a visceral reaction from our inner toddler, who reacts by jutting out their bottom lip, folding their arms and stamping their foot.
As an adult, though, moaning ‘I don’t wanna!’ isn’t going to get us very far, so we tend to be a bit more subtle about our evasive techniques, drowning out the feeling of unease with food, booze or endless Netflix marathons.
But where does that get us, at the end of the day? A little heavier, hungover and while we’re ready for a water cooler discussion about the latest series of Squid Games, the thing we needed to do is still lurking there, tapping us on our shoulder and clearing its throat in an attempt to get our attention.
Sometimes it’s even got bigger, because if the thing is something time sensitive, then adding an impending deadline and a sense of urgency into the mix has not made you feel any less resistant to doing it.
It’s at this point that guilt and shame can sometimes rear their ugly heads, and our inner critics can pipe up to channel them directly into our poor beleaguered brains.
‘Why didn’t you just do this when you had the chance? You’re such a loser, leaving this stuff to the last minute…’ etc., etc.
As you know, I’m a big believer in mindset shifts, mottos, tricks and hacks which can help us to navigate the choppy seas of adult life in the 21st Century with more ease and equanimity, so I thought I’d share one which works for me when there’s something I have to do which I really really don’t want to.
Today is one of those days for me. I’m moving soon, my house is sold, and today I have two appointments for house viewings, 60-odd miles away from where I’m currently living, near Manchester.
Do I want to go and view houses? Nope. It’s just about the last thing I want to do. But I know it needs to happen, otherwise once the sale of my current home goes through, I’ll be homeless and I don’t want to live in a tent!
What’s useful, from a neuroscience-based background, is to try to tip the balance between the pain of doing the thing you don’t want to do and the pleasure of the outcome/how you’ll feel when you’ve done it.
Adding emotion in will strengthen that desire.
So, no I don’t want to drive over to Manchester and look around houses. But what do I want?
I want to have moved. I want to be closer to my friends and family. I want to build new friendship groups, to start dating again, to be settled and close to my Dad, who’s becoming increasingly infirm and who could do with my support.
My life is a bit on hold, over here in Yorkshire, at the moment. I’m not making new friends and I’m certainly not dating. Why? Because the last thing I want to do is to find myself stuck here, so far away from the people I love, again, for the long haul.
I have a meditation/visualisation I shared in this article, where I see the me of the future, who lives in a home which is mortgage-free, and who spends all of their time working to help people, whether that’s through coaching, my writing, podcasts or the courses I create.
This next step, selling my home (which is done) and finding somewhere to move to, are both things which’re moving me closer to that me of the future.
So, this is the technique:
Think about the benefits/pleasure of doing the thing you don’t want to do
Meditate on it, visualise yourself in that moment when it’s done and you get the results you’re looking for, see it and add emotion to it as much as you can, because the more emotion we can add, the more our brains will see this as our desired outcome and so will stop throwing up as many roadblocks in our path
Go and do the thing
Celebrate your win! Really revel in the feeling of having done it
The more you do this, the more you start to flex that muscle, of having the confidence in yourself, the knowledge that you can do hard things, and it gets easier to persuade yourself to do stuff when you’re dragging your feet.
And the more you can get stuff done, quickly and efficiently with a minimum of inner wrangling, the more time and emotional space you free up to go and do something else, which could very well be making inroads towards your goals and the life of your dreams!
Win win!
If you found this article helpful, subscribe to Reboot & Rise for more actionable strategies to design your best life. Let’s kick those bad habits and build the life of our dreams, together!