The 3-Step Technique That Changed My Life: From How to Stop Worrying and Start Living

Ever had your brain spiral into worst-case-scenario mode, convincing you that everything’s about to go catastrophically wrong? Yeah, me too. Years ago, during one of the loneliest, most challenging times in my life, I stumbled across a technique in an old self-help book that quite literally became my lifeline. It’s simple, effective, and decades later, I still use it almost daily. Whether you’re facing big life decisions or everyday anxieties, this might just become your go-to tool too.

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I picked up this technique half a lifetime ago, some time in my mid-twenties.

That was a dark time in my life, a time when I was living in Bolton, north of Manchester, UK and I was working during the week in Maidenhead, which is about thirty miles outside of London.

It’s a commute of about 200 miles, and I’d get up very early on a Monday morning, and set out in my little Ford Ka, in an attempt to beat the majority of the traffic. During the week, I’d stay in small hotels (there are family-run businesses here in the UK called B&Bs, or bed & breakfasts) and then I’d drive back up north on a Friday afternoon,

The software development project I was working on was a total bust as well. Badly planned, poorly managed and even I as a relatively fledgling programmer could see that the whole enterprise was ultimately going to end up going precisely nowhere.

To say I was depressed and lonely would be something of an understatement. The one good thing about the experience was that the expenses I claimed from the company I was working for allowed me to save up enough to put a deposit on a house.

Still, it was a rough time. And I turned to self help books for support.

Two of them have really stuck with me, all these years later.

The first was Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by the wonderful Dr. Susan Jeffers. I had that on audio CD and I listened to it on repeat as I drove up and down the country, week after week after week.

I still tell myself ‘I’ll handle it’ when I feel my resolve weakening and fear raising its ugly head.

The other book was How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie.

It was published in 1948, so when I picked it up in 2000 it was a bit on the dated side, but a lot of the advice shared by the author still hold true, even in the crazy technology-filled world of the 21st Century.

Some of the chapter titles are wonderful, as well:

• Don’t let the beetles get you down

• Don’t try to saw sawdust

• Remember that no one kicks a dead dog

• Fool things I have done

But the chapter I’m going to talk to you about today is an idea I’m still using, almost daily, all these years later.

It’s in a chapter entitled ‘A Magic Formula For Solving Worry Situations’ and while I wouldn’t go *quite* that far, it is pretty effective.

There are a few examples of this technique in action in the book, but it comes down to this:

When worry starts to hit you about something you’re facing

1. Ask yourself,' 'What is the worst that can possibly happen?”

2. Prepare to accept it if you have to.

3. Then calmly proceed to improve on the worst.

I’ve used this a heck of a lot over the last couple of years, since I was ‘forced’ to stand on my own two feet and face life alone in October 2022. In that time I’ve bought (and sold) a home, set up a new life for myself, dealt with all of the usual stuff you need to deal with when you own a home, such as repairs and setting up bills etc., and I did it all while I was grieving the life I thought I was going to lead, and starting to take tentative steps in the direction of a new life.

There have definitely been times when my prehistoric brain has slipped into overdrive, presenting me with a plethora of worst case scenarios which have threatened to drag me under and submerge me in an ocean of fear.

Take tomorrow, for example. As I mentioned, I’ve sold my little home. And now I need to fill in the paperwork for the buyers, as well as admit a surveyor, who’s coming tomorrow morning, first thing.

Am I worried about it? I mean, I could easily allow myself to panic, sure. I mean, I’m not a building expert. While the place seems fine to me, what the heck do I know?!

Even the fact my own survey was only done on this place a couple of years ago isn’t enough to stop the worrying part of my brain from trying to bust out and run around like the Sponge Bob GIF we all know and love.

So, I sat down, earlier this week, and I asked myself the questions from that chapter of How to Stop Worrying and Start Living:

1. Ask yourself,' 'What is the worst that can possibly happen?” - the surveyor could find loads of issues, and the buyers could pull out, or they could offer me less money than I wanted to take.

2. Prepare to accept it if you have to - Okay, I am very keen to get back to Manchester, to start building a circle of friends again, and to be closer to my Dad. But if this happened, there was someone else also interested in buying the place, and also I have a car and a roof over my head, so I could manage another 6 months, if needs be. If it came down to money, as long as my mortgage is paid back and I don’t find myself going into debt, I’m okay with that.

3. Then calmly proceed to improve on the worst - well, in this instance, it’s a case of just not sliding into worry. I will cross the bridge if the survey doesn’t come back okay. I’ve already done the maths.

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Worry can feel like a storm cloud you can’t escape, but it doesn’t have to control you. By breaking the cycle with these three simple questions, you can take back your power and handle even the toughest situations with calm and clarity. So the next time your prehistoric brain starts spinning, try it out—ask yourself, “What’s the worst that can happen?” Then take a deep breath, prepare for it, and get to work making things better. Your future self will thank you.